


Afraid

by RuinousScribe



Series: Kathang isip [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Drabble, M/M, anxiety attack, but not really, im bored again, is this fluff, mentioned chanbaek, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 17:02:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16727400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuinousScribe/pseuds/RuinousScribe
Summary: The one where Jongin is afraid, but he doesn't have to be





	Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of want to make this a full-fledged one shot, thoughts?
> 
> This was actually supposed to go down a more fluffy (?) route HAHAHAA

  
Kai was  _not_ shy.

 _Kim Jongin_  was the shy one.

However, the one fact that could never be changed was that Kai and Kim Jongin were the same person.

It didn't make sense to most people how the charismatic dancer that awed them on stage could barely hold a conversation with a stranger. His fangirls were especially disappointed in not being able to get anything more than a bashful smile and a weak  _Thanks_  from him. Fortunately, not everyone was superficial enough to need direct interactions to stay, so his fandom was still growing -- at least according to Chanyeol's latest report.

Currently, Jongin was preparing for yet another performance (Chanyeol had complained about him being overworked and wondered aloud why the school never seemed to have any available dancers except for Jongin, Sehun, and Yixing, earning a jab to the ribs, courtesy of his feisty boyfriend by the name of Byun Baekhyun). As usual, the nerves had kicked in and he was nervously wringing his hands as he had his makeup done. The girl doing his makeup was sympathetic enough to not comment on his fidgeting, but he heard her tired sigh every time he would bite at his tinted lips or run his fingers through his styled hair. It was not an uncommon occurrence and Taemin, a fellow dancer, had once suggested just tying Jongin to a chair before a performance, but he was berated by Yixing at his attempt and they assumed that Jongin would have just resulted in a full-blown panic attack if that were to happen.

However, the one thing different about today was probably the most important. Kyungsoo wasn't there.

"Hey, sweaty, can you stop wiping your damn hands on the couch?" Sehun threw a chip at Jongin and it bounced off his shoulder to land next to him. Jongin looked at Sehun with wide eyes and quickly retracted his hands to place them neatly on his lap. He stayed still for half a minute before nervously rubbing at his legs, the weird sounds his clammy palms made against the leather made Sehun groan and Yixing curiously look up from the book he was reading.

"Is something wrong?" The pale male asked softly and his gentle eyes sent a wave of comfort to the younger male who was practically vibrating (and looked close to imploding) with nerves.

"N - no, hyung." Jongin swallowed thickly. "I - I'm fine." His voice cracked at the last syllable, fueling Yixing's curiosity and the latter put down the book in his hands to sit next to Jongin.

"Jongin, what's wrong?"

Jongin shook his head. He didn't want to worry sweet Yixing, but his anxiety was eating him up like crazy. Seated on the armchair next to Jongin's couch, Sehun sighed.

"Dude, just spit it out."

"Kyungsoo isn't here, yet." Jongin blurted before looking down at his lap, his cheeks flushed a ruby red that seemed to make his skin glow even better than the few layers of makeup. He started when Yixing placed a warm hand on his shoulder. Daring a glance at the older male, Jongin let out a breath he didn't know he was holding at the sight of Yixing's warm eyes and gentle smile.

"He'll be here, Jongin."

"Kyungsoo hyung would never miss any of your performances, idiot." Sehun lightly berated him, but the soft pat to the back of his hands that rested on his lap were enough to let him know that Sehun was trying to cheer him up.

Oh Sehun was wrong.

Struggling to fill his lungs with much needed oxygen, Jongin curled up on the couch. He clutched at the flimsy material of his shirt as he felt a heavy pressure on his chest. Tears blurred his vision and when he tried to move around, vertigo drowned him in a sea of deliriousness and disorientation. His hands shook terribly as he one came up to claw at his neck with blunt nails as if that could stop his throat from closing up. Not really given any other choice, his only option was to lie there and hope that someone would notice that he still had not come back from the dressing room even if it had been a while since his performance.

The next few moments felt like a million years to Jongin, but finally, he was able to stop looking (and feeling) like a fish out of water (LITERALLY). A few tears still managed to escape his closed eyes as he rested the back of his hands on his forehead tiredly. He let out a shaky sigh of relief.  _It was almost over_.

The harsh thrumming of his gradually calming heart made him virtually deaf to the world and he started when he suddenly recognized what sounded like running near his room. Eventually, the thundering footfalls reached his door and he turned his head to watch as the door was thrown open. By the door stood a flushed looking Kyungsoo. His eyes were blown wide (wider than usual), his lips were parted as he panted, and his hair was matted to his face by perspiration (not very much unlike Jongin’s own state), but he still managed to look ethereal.

When their eyes connected, a fresh wave of tears escaped Jongin's eyes and he choked out a broken, "Soo," that had Kyungsoo rushing to him immediately, not caring for the way the door slammed heavily behind him.

Kyungsoo caught Jongin as the younger let himself fall and break in the other's arms. Kyungsoo's heart clenched at the sound of Jongin's painful sobs against his throat. He rubbed the other's back with one hand, while the other was slightly between them to blindly brush away the tears from Jongin's face. He felt the dampness on his neck and shirt, but he could care less about that right now. Jongin's hands were twisted into the back of Kyungsoo's shirt as he desperately pulled the boy closer to his body with Kyungsoo ending up on Jongin's lap.

"Shh, it's okay, Nini." Kyungsoo whispered soothingly into the younger boy's ear when he started to hiccup lightly in between crying. "You're okay."

"I messed up t - the rou - routine," Jongin choked out. One hand had slipped under Kyungsoo's shirt, but he didn't comment on the way Jongin's fingers pressed hard unto his skin. "I disappointed the - them. They're never going to – I - messed up. S – Sehun’s mad and Y – Yixing hyung must h - hate me –"

“Jongin,  _breathe_.” For some reason, Kyungsoo was able to make his body function the way he was wanting it to and he paused to gulp in a lungful of air. Kyungsoo took this as a chance to talk softly into the other boy’s ear as he placed a hand against Jongin’s tummy to assist his breathing. “No one’s disappointed in you. Sehun isn’t mad and Yixing hyung doesn’t hate you. They were worried about you but didn’t know what to do. Okay?”

“H – how—” Kyungsoo understood his unfinished question and sent him a reassuring smile.

“Trust me.” Jongin nodded and focused on evening out his breathing. Kyungsoo slipped off his lap to sit next to him, placing a comforting hand on Jongin’s thigh as he helped relax the younger. “That’s it, sweetheart. Deep breaths.”

When Jongin seemed to be able to breathe on his own, he opened his previously closed eyes to meet Kyungsoo’s worried ones. “You feeling better, Nini?”

“Yeah.” Jongin answered. He looked away as Kyungsoo smiled at him beautifully, a soft, “I’m glad,” escaping his lips.

“Why weren’t you there?” Jongin asked softly, but his tone was accusing and Kyungsoo felt himself fall face-first into guilt.  _Right_. This was his fault.

“I’m sorry, Jongin. Baekhyun needed help in cooking for Chanyeol and we lost track of time. I forgot that his apartment was so far away and the traffic didn’t help. I,” Kyungsoo sighed and bit his lip sadly as Jongin continued to avoid his gaze. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. But, I swear, I came as soon as I remembered and I had to run the last couple of blocks because the traffic was hell at this hour, and I didn’t know it was going to get this bad. I’m sorry.”

“I got this bad because I messed up.”

“You don’t, usually.” Kyungsoo tried to reassure him, but Jongin’s reply bit.

“And  _you_  don’t usually miss my stages.” Before Kyungsoo could apologize again, Jongin was quick to continue. “But, you’re here now, and maybe that’s all that matters.”

The soft blush that tinted the young dancer’s face was not entirely due to his earlier fatigue, the same way the matching tint on Kyungsoo’s own face was not due to his earlier impromptu cardio. Kyungsoo lightly bumped their shoulders, making Jongin finally meet his eyes. “How can I make it up to you?”

Kyungsoo felt his heartbeat in his throat as Jongin stared deep into his eyes as if searching for something in his soul. Kyungsoo tried to be clear and hide nothing. After a few moments of silence, Jongin’s eyes lightened up as if in understanding.

“I need you to promise that you’ll hold my hand whenever I’m afraid.” Jongin’s words are firm but his voice comes out low that Kyungsoo has to lean a bit closer to hear him properly.

“Of course,” Was his instant reply and the smile that brightened up Jongin’s handsome features did not fail to take Kyungsoo’s breath away. When Jongin reached out to intertwine their hands, Kyungsoo looked at him curiously.

“Are you – what are you scared of?”

“I’m scared that if I let your hand go, you’ll disappear and never come back.” Was Jongin’s answer and the raw sincerity in his voice and the desperation in his chocolate brown eyes almost pained Kyungsoo.

 

“I won’t ever leave you again, Nini.” He reached up a hand to caress the taller boy’s cheek. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

**Author's Note:**

> DId you notice how there were no exchanges of blatant romance ? Or the many holes in the character background ? 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this!  
> Please leave a Kudos, and comments are appreciated :)


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